Two songs that explain my life:

[link]

and..

[link]

I doubt so much now and it scares me. I continously analyize the reasons behind all things- most especially personal relationships with individuals. What are the hidden motives behind wanting to know me? Will they see my vulnerability and use it against me? I'm afraid of those I love the deepest because they are my greatest vulnerability and downfall.

Although I've grown and matured, some say I've changed for the worst- others disagree and say for the better. I'm not sure. Is it because I no longer care for the drama? Or the fact I'm striving to make a life for myself? I want a family of my own, a husband or wife, a house, animals... I have goals, dreams and ambitions damn it! Why can't anyone else see this? I take a little time for myself and I'm labeled selfish.

Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason.


Remember that.

Some of my friends will use me as a bag of beating for frustration. Its not so much that I mind this- but sometimes those words...they sting and cut me. Although they are said in anger, it doesn't change the fact that on some level, it will apply to me as well. No one is perfect and I realize this, and I far from it! But I try extremely hard to be a good friend. My ability to divide my time equally between friends is poor, I'm aware of this, and I'm trying to correct it. I'm harsh and jaded, a bit jagged around the edges and jumpy to boot...but damn it I do try to improve. Give me credit for that.

I'm not sorry for who I am anymore. I'm not sorry for my flaws and I'm done apologizing for every single fault someone may find in me. I'm not sorry for being a flawed creature. I'm not sorry for making mistakes- because I try hard to learn from each mistake I make. Failure is when you give up. I never fail- I never give up. It's not in my ability to ever give up even when I feel like I can't bare much more.

I'm beautiful, smart, funny, loving, protective and always there when it counts- and as often as I can be when it doesn't. If that isn't good enough for anyone else you can leave my life.

I'm my own hero.